Page 18 - 07_Sept-2025

City
Health
Big Feelings
Letting children move
through grief, no matter
what that looks like
by Kelley Korbin
When Dani Stobbs told her children
their granddad had died, she was met
by three different reactions. The eldest,
eight, frantically begged his mom to stop
talking. The middle one, five, took in the
sad news with solemnity, then ran off
to play with his monster trucks. The
four-year-old broke into tears, cupped
her little hands around Stobbs’ cheeks
and said, “Oh Mummy, I’m so sorry your
Daddy died.”
Stobbs is the program lead of grief
support services for Pilgrims Hospice,
the non-profit society that has been caring
for Edmontonians with life-limiting
illnesses, and their families, since 1994.
She says the ways her children reacted
— with avoidance, dissociation and
empathy, as well as pretty much every
other emotion — are common for grieving
children. They might be weeping one
moment and laughing the next, as they
bounce from sadness to joy and back
again. This emotional “puddle jumping,”
as grief experts call it, is an innate
safety mechanism that helps kids
regulate their nervous systems so they
aren’t overwhelmed by too many painful
feelings all at once.
“As adults we’re conditioned to believe
grief has to look a certain way,” says
Stobbs. “What children teach us is that
we are actually made to dip in and out of
emotions.” Still, parenting through these
wildly vacillating moods, while simulta-
neously managing your own loss, can be
overwhelming.
In 2023, Pilgrims Hospice developed an
eight-week program where kids aged five
and up, along with their caregivers, are
invited to “get griefy” with other families.
Since then, more than 225 kids and
adults have participated. Each week,
participants divide up according to
18 EDify. SEPTEMBER.25
Inside a unique grief program for kids and teens at Pilgrims Hospice
age — kids, teens and grown-ups —
and gather in comfy hospice spaces to
explore the same grief-related topic from
different, age-appropriate perspectives.
The goal, says Stobbs, is to create “brave
spaces” where participants, regardless
of age, are invited to risk a little vulnera-
bility and share their stories.
Games, music, snacks and visits from
Nico the hospice therapy dog help young
participants express uncomfortable
feelings through play. Kids also have a
chance to create legacy crafts like memory
quilts that can provide a comforting and
tangible touch point for their lost loved
one, especially whenever they feel the
urge to splash in the grief puddle.
“
 What children teach us
is that we are actually
made to dip in and out
of emotions.”–Dani Stobbs
Meanwhile, in another room, adults
learn strategies to help navigate their
children’s bereavement. But more impor-
tantly, says Stobbs, Pilgrims creates the
space for people to feel seen and heard in
their sad and seemingly unfair reality.
“One of the most soothing balms in those
groups is just to recognize that others
are struggling too, and that they don’t
know what they’re doing either,” she says.
“I do believe Pilgrims saved us,” says
Jamie Wilson, an Edmonton mom who
found the program after her 14-year-
old daughter Hudsyn died suddenly and
unexpectedly last January. Wilson was
shattered by the loss of her eldest child,
a big-hearted, joyful and creative soul.
At the same time, she and her husband
Chris had two equally beloved children
to care for as they waded through their
suffocating grief. “I had nowhere to turn,
no way to know what was next.”
She enrolled the whole family in the
grief group in hopes it would help them
face their new reality. “I can’t just
pretend Hudsyn will be back tomorrow,”
she says. Wilson found validation and
connection with other families and
learned her kids’ volatile behaviours —
the slammed doors, screaming and
extreme clinginess — were how her
eight- and ten-year-olds needed to
process the loss of their big sister.
The program taught the Wilsons that
grief isn’t something you get over. It’s
more like a continual goodbye. “Nothing
will ever close,” she says. “The chapter is
not going to end; you’re just going to turn
the page.”
Though Pilgrims Hospice couldn’t
fill the void left by Hudsyn’s death, it
did help the family left behind by her
absence. When I met them, Harper, their
middle child who was now the eldest,
proudly showed me photos of Hudsyn and
talked about the memory quilt she made
with one of her big sister’s favourite
t-shirts. Then she ran off to cuddle her
new guinea pig, Gus. Another splash in
the puddle. ED.
photo AMANDA FREELY