When Dani Stobbs told her children their granddad had died, she was met by three different reactions. The eldest, eight, frantically begged his mom to stop talking. The middle one, five, took in the sad news with solemnity, then ran off to play with his monster trucks. The four-year-old broke into tears, cupped her little hands around Stobbs’ cheeks and said, “Oh Mummy, I’m so sorry your Daddy died.”
Stobbs is the program lead of grief support services for Pilgrims Hospice, the non-profit society that has been caring for Edmontonians with life-limiting illnesses, and their families, since 1994. She says the ways her children reacted — with avoidance, dissociation and empathy, as well as pretty much every other emotion — are common for grieving children. They might be weeping one moment and laughing the next, as they bounce from sadness to joy and back again. This emotional “puddle jumping,” as grief experts call it, is an innate safety mechanism that helps kids regulate their nervous systems so they aren’t overwhelmed by too many painful feelings all at once.
“As adults we’re conditioned to believe grief has to look a certain way,” says Stobbs. “What children teach us is that we are actually made to dip in and out of emotions.” Still, parenting through these wildly vacillating moods, while simultaneously managing your own loss, can be overwhelming.
In 2023, Pilgrims Hospice developed an eight-week program where kids aged five and up, along with their caregivers, are invited to “get griefy” with other families. Since then, more than 225 kids and adults have participated. Each week, participants divide up according to age — kids, teens and grown-ups — and gather in comfy hospice spaces to explore the same grief-related topic from different, age-appropriate perspectives. The goal, says Stobbs, is to create “brave spaces” where participants, regardless of age, are invited to risk a little vulnerability and share their stories.
Games, music, snacks and visits from Nico the hospice therapy dog help young participants express uncomfortable feelings through play. Kids also have a chance to create legacy crafts like memory quilts that can provide a comforting and tangible touch point for their lost loved one, especially whenever they feel the urge to splash in the grief puddle.
Meanwhile, in another room, adults learn strategies to help navigate their children’s bereavement. But more importantly, says Stobbs, Pilgrims creates the space for people to feel seen and heard in their sad and seemingly unfair reality. “One of the most soothing balms in those groups is just to recognize that others are struggling too, and that they don’t know what they’re doing either,” she says.
“I do believe Pilgrims saved us,” says Jamie Wilson, an Edmonton mom who found the program after her 14-year-old daughter Hudsyn died suddenly and unexpectedly last January. Wilson was shattered by the loss of her eldest child, a big-hearted, joyful and creative soul. At the same time, she and her husband Chris had two equally beloved children to care for as they waded through their suffocating grief. “I had nowhere to turn, no way to know what was next.”
She enrolled the whole family in the grief group in hopes it would help them face their new reality. “I can’t just pretend Hudsyn will be back tomorrow,” she says. Wilson found validation and connection with other families and learned her kids’ volatile behaviours — the slammed doors, screaming and extreme clinginess — were how her eight- and ten-year-olds needed to process the loss of their big sister.
The program taught the Wilsons that grief isn’t something you get over. It’s more like a continual goodbye. “Nothing will ever close,” she says. “The chapter is not going to end; you’re just going to turn the page.”
Though Pilgrims Hospice couldn’t fill the void left by Hudsyn’s death, it did help the family left behind by her absence. When I met them, Harper, their middle child who was now the eldest, proudly showed me photos of Hudsyn and talked about the memory quilt she made with one of her big sister’s favourite t-shirts. Then she ran off to cuddle her new guinea pig, Gus. Another splash in the puddle.
This article appears in the September 2025 issue of Edify
